Grace

This note is for my mom.

So you can see that I’m taking care of myself. My heart. My Soul.

It’s not easy for you, I know.

To let go and be the witness to what I’m going through, especially the days when I need to be alone.

This is the dance with grief.

This is my dance with the chaos and nature of change.

I know it’s hard to understand me sometimes and that’s okay.

Your heart knows my heart. A mom’s loving heart always does.

I feel so much shame and intense emotions some days,

that the place that didn’t feel safe or good for a long time, my body, has become a sanctuary for compassion + healing during the past 6 months.

On many of those days that I’m not talking very much, this is how I’m taking care of myself.

I put on some music and feel into my body where the sensation is.

I move with it.

I breathe with it.

I often sing to it.

The tears and cries begin to flow

and I give it all to the Grace of God.

Your little girl is strong but her strength no longer comes from pretending she is.

This is a very vulnerable place for me to be.

You created a beautiful gift Ma.

I am learning to accept that precious gift you birthed into the world, ME.

I’m going to be okay.

Thank you. I love you.

With Deep Love + Reverence,

Billy